


Welcome to Night Vale Fan Episode: Shedding Season

by Fawkes_Rinzler



Series: WTNV Fan Episodes [2]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Fanmade Episode, M/M, Shedding, WTNV Fan Episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 06:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4554984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fawkes_Rinzler/pseuds/Fawkes_Rinzler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil reports on the annual shedding season, and horoscopes are read out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Night Vale Fan Episode: Shedding Season

**Author's Note:**

> A sort of "Part 2" to my first Fan-Episode.

The Sun is hot. My mouth is dry. My face is frozen on one side. I think the dentist put in too much numbing gel.

Welcome to Night Vale

*theme song plays*

Listeners, as you all very well know by the Municipal change in Bloodstone chants, the seasons have changed from Winter to Spring again. Ahh, Spring. I love Spring in Night Vale, listeners. It is a time of rebirth and renewal. It is a time of change and hope. It is a time of-

Ahh... Haha. Sorry Listeners. I retract my statement about change and hope. Night Vale is going to be the same as always. Yes, thank you for reminding me, Secret Police. I am very sorry for my tongue slip. I promise it won't happen again!

Where was I?

Ah yes! Spring. The glorious feeling of Spring. And with Spring, dear listeners, comes our yearly shedding. For those of you who were re-educated within the last 12 months, let me quickly go over what the yearly shedding is. Once a year in Night Vale, those of us blessed enough to have hair loose it all over a period of one week, and regrow it all in the next week. I myself started to loose my hair this morning listeners~! I woke up with a massive patch of it right on my pillow. Haha, my boyfriend got all worried for me and thought that I was overly stressed.

Can you imagine that, Listeners? Me? Overly stressed? Hah! Impossible! If anything, it's Carlos who's overly stressed! My poor boyfriend... He's always been a bit high strung ever since he returned....

Anyways, Listeners, if you are finding that massive portions of your hair are just floating away today, don't you worry~! It's just your yearly shedding. 

And now Traffic!  
The Glow Cloud is on Highway 52. Do not attempt to drive on Highway 52. Highway 52 is closed.  
This has been Traffic.

Listeners.... Oh no.... Listeners... My dear Carlos just came into the studio..... He.... Oh no.... He's losing his hair!!!

Oh listeners, this is terrible!!! My perfect Carlos' perfect hair!!! It's falling away with every step he takes!! Oh Might Glow Cloud, all hail and praise your name, my Carlos is going bald!!!

Hm? Oh..... Oh, right.... Um.. Listeners, Intern Cecilia was kind enough to remind me that Carlos is probably going through a spring shedding, similar to us all.... But listeners...... Carlos' hair..... It'll.... It'll be gone for a week......

Oh my...... Um..... And now, a message from our sponsors.

*click*

The burning fires lick your skin and char it underneath their malevolent tongues! There is darkness! There is hatred! There is nothing... You scream in pain, and there is no one to hear you. There is no mercy. There is no respite. You chose this path, and now you must see it through to the end. The burn bites at the sanity of your mind, driving you to do depraved acts upon anything near. You have become darkness. You have become sin. You have become.....  
Nothing.

A message from the Church of Holy Light.

*click*

Ah... Alright, listeners. I think I feel better now. Carlos said he wanted to come to the studio to warn me that this was happening, and that he'd make me a special dessert tonight, along with a special something extra, to help me feel better. Isn't Carlos sweet, listeners? I wonder what he meant by a little something extr-

Oh....... Um.. Ahem... Alright then! And now, onto Today's horoscopes!

Virgo: The Shadows seem to be very clingy to you this week. Be careful driving on the roads, as no one can see you. 

Libra: Remember that plate you left in the sink this morning before work? Remember how you didn't clean it? Well... Let's just say you'll wish you had. Please enjoy your new insect roommates!

Scorpio: If you are a Scorpio, this week is not your week. Neither is next week. Or the week after. Or the week after. In fact, no week is your week this year... Try again in another century.

Sagittarius: Very sorry about your great great aunt. Oh, don't worry. You're about to find out in 3.....2.....

Capricorn: Although that key lime pie may look tempting, City Council would like to assure you that it is not edible. Please do not try to consume the key lime pie.

Aquarius: Your obliviousness is part of your charm, but don't let it get ahead of you! Remember you have a job to keep...

Pisces: LOOK OUT!

Aries: Let me remind you yet again, Aries, as no doubt your parents have been reminding you all your life. You are not invulnerable. You are not immortal, and you are not allowed to go to that party with your friends. Stop asking!

Taurus: Losing your head? It might feel that way, but don't worry, it's just your perfect hair. Remember that appearance is nothing compared to a beautiful heart, so if you feel like your suddenly less beautiful for your lack of hair, you aren't. Your heart is still functioning normally, and as such, you are beautiful.

Gemini: Try not to argue with your siamese twin too much this week. Your mother is getting a headache.

Cancer: Don't look out the window. Lock your doors. Go to the bathroom. Hide there. You aren't safe. You can't trust anyone. There is nothing good in this- Oh! Is that the Ice Cream truck?! Go get an ice cream sandwich, Cancer! You deserve it!

This has been Today's Horoscope! 

 

Listeners, if you look outside and notice a soft-looking tumbleweed rolling outside, then you should probably lock your doors. According to this report that Intern Quin- Wait a minute, what happened to Cecilia?

Oh..... Oh, I see..... How terrible.... Um, to the Family of Intern Cecilia..... I am dreadfully sorry. Apparently she died trying to clean the coffee filter..... A funeral will be held for her next Teusday.

Now, back to the report. According to this, listeners, the clumps of hair falling from peoples heads have been gathering throughout Night Vale and are forming into sentient, crawling clumps! Lock your doors, listeners! A message from the Sheriff's Secret Police states that These creatures should be met with hostility and violence...

Three people have already died attempting to engage the hair-creatures.

A team of scientists, head by my Boyfriend Carlos, are attempting to approach the creatures and investigate them.... Oh dear... I just hope they'll be safe...

And now, dear listeners.... The Weather!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lM5GNZR0szE

Listeners, I am happy to report that the hair monsters have disappeared... Apparently, a strong gust of wind was all that was needed, and the hair monsters have been dispersed, hair by hair, out into the desert surrounding Night Vale.

And as for the team of scientists, dear listeners. Well.... Let's just say everything turned out perfect.

Listeners, Spring is a wonderful time of the year. It is a time of renewal, of rebirth, and of rejoicing. We should all be thankful for everything that we have been given this Spring. Think about it for a second. What are you most thankful for? I know I'm most thankful for my boyfriend being brought back safely to me. I'm thankful for Khoshekh, my pet cat that floats in the Men's bathroom at a fixed point in time and space, and I am thankful for you, Listeners. Without you, I wouldn't be here....

But, I won't be in about ten minutes. I'll be back at home, where you should all be, listeners. Up next, the stifled, polite coughs of an embarrassed British politician while radio static plays in the background.

Goodnight, Night Vale...

Goodnight.


End file.
